He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
