I must be too annoying 4 u.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
