I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
