wrigley field is MILF paradise
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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