That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
