Nicole vs. Life
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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