fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Alive.
So much puke
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
