id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
