Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
