You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
