I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
