I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
