The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
honey bunches of taint.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
