I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize