I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
