Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
