Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
