I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We are two peas in an std pod
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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