There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ladies don't puke and tell
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
