Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
