the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
