so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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