I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
