Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
