sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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