my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
