I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
