You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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