i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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