Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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