You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
