You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
