hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
