Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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