Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
