What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
