What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
