Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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