your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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