I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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