after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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