i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
