got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
