i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
