We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
