R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
