I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
