i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The air was thick with penises
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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