So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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