3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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