thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
