he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
