why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
