cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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