the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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