I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
