Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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