i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
