I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
