We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
