i just wanna soil my oats bro
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
