i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
