Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
