But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
