4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
