I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We have started to decorate penises.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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