if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
