I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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