i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How naked do you want me to be?
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