he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
