So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
