We won't sleep together?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
