if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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