I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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