ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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