I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
