I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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