I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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