i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
