im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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