her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
