Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
