And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
