I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
