So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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