Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
