ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize