Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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