their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
