just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
