Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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