Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's the barista slut.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
