His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This couple is walking their pig around campus
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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