I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
