i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm getting married
To pizza
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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