So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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