Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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