a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We're too hungover to prance.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
