i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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