Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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