Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
