Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
